Almost a month away.

Well right now, I'm finding it hard to type as I have the most beautiful man laying in bed next to me. I find it hard not to stare sometimes.
And even then, seeing him moves me to tears at times. I had just accepted and believed that I would never find someone to love, and who loves me so much. He is everything I have ever dreamed of and more. And I know that sounds really corny but it's just how it is!
^That picture right there is how I still feel when
| he kisses me! And this was the first picture we took as a couple! coming up on a year!
Wow, we could have our baby on our year anniversary! Crazy!
Anyway. I'm starting to get really excited and really nervous! And I think the baby can tell. I keep reading that he's going to not be moving as much because he's running out of room but he seems as active as ever! Plus he's kicking and punching a lot more. It's wonderful! It never looses it's wonder for me.
I guess when you've convinced yourself that you'll never have something, when you get it, you're blown away and you just cherish every little movement and hiccup. I'm just amazed by everything. Even when I feel really sick and I'm in pain and I can't move, I wouldn't want to be in any other condition.
And James is just being wonderful. There have been days that I've not been able to get out of bed and he is right here taking care of me. He comes and checks on me, he makes sure I'm eating and that I have everything I need. And I start to feel bad cause I'm use to taking care of myself and being able to handle whatever happens. This experience has really made me accept help which has not been an easy thing to do.
I really look forward to when I'm able to do things on my own again. Much as I love James, I'm not one that likes being pampered this much. I just remind myself it's for the baby and not so much me. Then I'm able to deal with it a little better.
Well, I feel like I'm going a little nuts in my writing now, so I'm going to stop!

Too early to be awake.

But when one can't sleep what can you do?
Aidan had the hiccups last night in addition to feeling restless. So he was just moving around constantly and this morning, my legs feel so cramped and painful that I don't know what to do. No position is comfortable.
And through all of this I still wouldn't want to be in any other condition.
I'm now in the process of trying to mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically prepare myself for having a baby. Which is quite a thing to prepare for let me tell you. I'm not just preparing myself for the way I want things to go, I'm trying to anticipate that things may not go the way I want and I need to prepare myself to do the best thing for me and Aidan.
I also have costume making coming up for Salem 1692. And I cannot wait! In California when I was on tour in the summer, I ended being the person to come to when you had a costume problem. I loved it! I had tried helping the costumer with some sewing and I had tried to get in touch with another costumer I knew to start learning how to sew and be a costume designer. Then I moved back to AZ and had no contacts here till recently.
So the prospect of learning how to sew is really exciting to me. And it's not even so much the sewing that has me worried as the not feeling overwhelmed by the pattern. Luckily I have two wonderful ladies willing to help me out so I need not be worried. My mom and Katie are awesome to help me with this! Plus it's time with my mommy which I won't have much of after baby comes.
And boy is it coming up quick! It doesn't seem that long ago that James and I had just found out that we were expecting to be become parents. And now, here we are almost a month away from him coming.
I mean wow! Everything I've ever wanted and needed and here it is! I am so blessed. Blessed to love and be loved by James and to be starting a family.

Baby Face.

This is my son's face. My baby that I feel moving around constantly. I'm so blown away. Seeing him, being able to sit and watch him as he moves around and feeling it at the same time was so amazing. I don't know how to describe it.

My whole life, I knew I wanted to be a mom. I was helping my mom with my younger siblings as soon as I could and as often as she would let me. I was babysitting at 12 and was so happy to become an Aunt for the first time when I was 15! And every time after that has been such a special thing for me, having another niece and then nephews!

I forgot that was what I wanted during my first marriage. I gave up thinking about all the things I had wanted for him, because what I wanted didn't fit what he wanted. Thank goodness I got over that!

Then about a year and a half ago, I started to get comfortable with the idea of being alone for the rest of my life. I was so tired of being hurt, lied to and used. So I decided that if I got use to the idea, maybe it wouldn't hurt so much. I would be the crazy aunt that my nieces and nephews could count on to spoil them and love them no matter what.

It was hard, but I started to come to grips with it. I dated, but with the intention that I was only looking for that special someone and it worked out well. I didn't get hurt as often and I was happier than I had been in a long time.

Then James came along. And I knew I was in trouble from the moment he took hold of my hand while we were talking.

I knew I was going to fall in love with him. And I was scared that he wouldn't feel the same.

Lucky me, he did!

And now, I'm about 10 weeks away from actually seeing my baby. A baby I never thought or dreamed that I would have. And here it is.

I am so blessed and so thankful for James and the life that we are building together. It's a little unlike we anticipated. But I know that I have found the person I am going to spend the rest of my life and beyond with . And I know that he feels the same way. He shows me in every word and action. And I think that that is the most wonderful thing we could offer our baby. Two parents who love each other unconditionally.

I am so looking forward to 2010, and I know I am so lucky! Because I haven't always had this.

Trying.

So I went yesterday and tested with the City of Surprise to be a Communications dispatcher. There were about 300 other people there. No pressure. But I think I did fairly well! Actually I think I did really well. I was surprised how I did. That doesn't mean I'll get called. They are only going to take the top 5% or something like that of the people who passed. It would be an eight month process. Good times.
I also applied to Discover card. A friend of mine told me they were hiring. And I got called and answered some questions for them. They informed me that the class would start in late January and end late February early March and did I have any conflicts. I was like, "Well, I will be having a baby around that time, but other than that I'm free."
It's tough. But we'll figure something out. Everything is going to work out fine. If I have to be a telemarketer for a while. I know most of the people in my family would disown me if I did that, but gotta pay the bills somehow! Geesh!
Other than that, things going great! Baby Aidan is getting more and more active, James has been putting together more ideas for Arizona Curriculum Theater and I'm happy.
Trying to figure out my financial situation and James has also been trying to help me with that which is nice, but I'm trying to stay in a good mood for the baby's sake. I don't want things happening before they are suppose to!

Thanksgiving.

Crazy that this is the first Thanksgiving that I have with James. I feel like he has always been in my life. Not in the bad way of , "God we've been together so long!" No I mean in the "You've always been here, because I've been waiting for you". I'm so happy and thankful that he is in my life! I love him so much!
We went and hung out with my family this morning! James got to meet most of my mom's siblings and her mother! My Grandma tells James that she's heard how tall and handsome he is and that she hasn't been lied to and then she says, "When are you getting me Diamondbacks tickets?" Yup. That's my Grandma!
So I take him around Pioneer Park in Mesa. A park that I grew up going to. I show him the Train that is still there that I use to be able to climb all over. Now it's gated off because people hurt themselves and people started peeing in it and it houses stray cats. I pointed out where the airplane use to be that again we could climb all over before they removed it. I then described the Western town that was there too! There was this little thing that looked like a western town, it had walkways and different signs above the doorways and you could climb onto the second story and have shootouts and stuff! Man. That use to be the coolest park ever!
It was wonderful sharing those memories with him! I can't wait till we go back to Rhode Island and he can show me where he grew up!
It was fun hanging with my family! We then went back to my parents house and got the next round of pregnant belly pictures! Holy Cow, btw! When I took the first pictures I was only a few months along, and I thought I was pretty big! No way! I looked at those pictures and I thought, "Oh my god! I was so tiny!!!" Cause now I can't even see my feet! James got in a couple of them too! I can't wait to post them everywhere! He was down level with my belly and had his head against my belly and I had my arms around his head! They are so beautiful!!! I can't wait to share them!
Then it was back to Surprise where we're getting ready to have dinner with his parents!
I don't think I have ever enjoyed a holiday season so much in my life! I'm actually even looking forward to the whole Christmas spirit thing! Usually I'm a bit of a Grinch until the week before. But I am just so happy this year. Happier than I have ever been before!
And I owe that to the two men of my life! James and Aidan!

Hanging with the girls!

So, after my show I drove to Mesa to see the new Twilight movie "New Moon". Now, I don't really care for the movie, I'm not on any of the teams and I don't count the days till the next one. I have read the books and found them to be well written and entertaining and I can admire that the author tried something new and different with the Vampire lore. However when we can get back to Lost Boys and Interview with the Vampire type monsters again that will be nice!
Enough of Vampires being creatures that we can all fall in love with! True Blood and Twilight. They are monsters. A classic monster that has a seduction to it because that is how it lures it's prey!
Anyway. I went because this was my mom's birthday present. Hanging with her girls! And I had a great time! The two hours before the movie were spent talking and planning and laughing a ton! Also some crying when my mom and sister felt my belly and Aidan moving around. Faith and I have had our sister in laws pregnant a few times and have beautiful nieces and nephews running around, but we didn't grow up with them and we were old enough to know you don't just touch a pregnant woman's belly. That's rude. So our opportunities to feel fetal movement have been very few. I think the last time I did was when my sister was in my mom and I was kicked in the back onto the floor.
Sharing this amazing wonder of being pregnant has been wonderful to share with my mom. She is such a loving woman and so fun to be around and I don't know of a better Grandma out there. She would have everyday be Grandma day if she could. And last night having my sister share too was great! She looks forward to being a mom so much and just from that you know she's going to be a great mom.
So yes, even though the evening was filled with shrieks and sighs as two boys came on screen I did get to actually see most of the movie and it wasn't that bad. And I got to hang out with two of the coolest girls I know! And you can't ask for more than that.

Crazy Times!

So, my show opened last week and we have been getting some really wonderful reviews! That makes me happy! I enjoy being part of a show that people enjoy and want to come to! It's also been really wonderful working with Arizona Jewish Theatre. I had heard that they were very nice to work for and what do you know they are! The cast has also been very fun and I've enjoyed being able to get to know them!
Only this weekend and next left so hurry up and come!
My baby Aidan has been getting more and more active! I joke that I have a future Olympic Gymnast in me. He moves around so much. It really is the most amazing feeling in the world! I wish I could describe it! But nothing works. No words or feelings. Knowing that my baby is strong and moving and reacts to my voice when I read aloud or sing, makes me tear up! I know it sounds kinda silly but I love it! Being pregnant is starting to be really fun! The first few months, not so much! It kinda sucked in fact, but now it's all fun and wonderful!!!
I have Maegan's Bridal shower today, her mother is putting it on for her. I think that is very sweet, I remember my mom doing that! It was a great time!
Which reminds me I have to start planning a baby shower don't I? Crap! Luckily thanks to my very sweet Aunt Lana and Uncle Paul I have a car seat and stroller already! And nice ones too!! They just need to be cleaned up a little. They've been in a garage.
(Sigh) There is so much I need to get done! I have another show that I start rehearsals for .....this week? Next week? Not sure! But another show soon none the less, Joey and the Fir Tree, check out www.curriculumtheater.org! Thanks!
And then once that show is done I have full availability to try and get a job! I'll rest when I have one! It's going to be interesting, not sure how many places are going to want to employ a woman 7 months pregnant. But hey! There could be some very loving people out there! What do you know!
Anyway. That's about all that is going on right now, I'm in the process of getting plans together for Thanksgiving and getting a job and completing two wonderful shows. It should be fun!!