Sunday, January 3, 2010

Baby Face.

This is my son's face. My baby that I feel moving around constantly. I'm so blown away. Seeing him, being able to sit and watch him as he moves around and feeling it at the same time was so amazing. I don't know how to describe it.
My whole life, I knew I wanted to be a mom. I was helping my mom with my younger siblings as soon as I could and as often as she would let me. I was babysitting at 12 and was so happy to become an Aunt for the first time when I was 15! And every time after that has been such a special thing for me, having another niece and then nephews!
I forgot that was what I wanted during my first marriage. I gave up thinking about all the things I had wanted for him, because what I wanted didn't fit what he wanted. Thank goodness I got over that!
Then about a year and a half ago, I started to get comfortable with the idea of being alone for the rest of my life. I was so tired of being hurt, lied to and used. So I decided that if I got use to the idea, maybe it wouldn't hurt so much. I would be the crazy aunt that my nieces and nephews could count on to spoil them and love them no matter what.
It was hard, but I started to come to grips with it. I dated, but with the intention that I was only looking for that special someone and it worked out well. I didn't get hurt as often and I was happier than I had been in a long time.
Then James came along. And I knew I was in trouble from the moment he took hold of my hand while we were talking.
I knew I was going to fall in love with him. And I was scared that he wouldn't feel the same.
Lucky me, he did!
And now, I'm about 10 weeks away from actually seeing my baby. A baby I never thought or dreamed that I would have. And here it is.
I am so blessed and so thankful for James and the life that we are building together. It's a little unlike we anticipated. But I know that I have found the person I am going to spend the rest of my life and beyond with . And I know that he feels the same way. He shows me in every word and action. And I think that that is the most wonderful thing we could offer our baby. Two parents who love each other unconditionally.
I am so looking forward to 2010, and I know I am so lucky! Because I haven't always had this.

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