One year. Amazing. It's gone by so fast and so slow at the same time.
A year ago yesterday I was sitting at my computer when a chat came up. It was Jim Porter. We'd tried going out on a date a month before and it had been a disaster! The reason being that I didn't know if it was a date or not and I did what I did best back then and hid rather than be open and ask.
We start chatting.
14 hours later I am now aware that he likes me! That he wants to take me out on a date! And we are going to Guys and Dolls at Arizona Broadway Theater the next day.
It's about 2 in the morning. What the hell will I wear?
One of my roommates comes home and I'm able to ask her in a panic what to wear. We dig through my closet and find a dress, then we pick a jean jacket and shoes.
The next morning, I am a nervous wreck! I shower, do my hair, get dressed and drive to my date. One of the reasons I'm so nervous is because James had told me that he was going to kiss me. Needless to say I have brushed, flossed, and mouth washed more than once. I am ready! And still nervous.
I've had rotten luck with men recently. And I have was getting really tired. I was starting to accept that being alone wasn't such a bad thing. And I was actually happier than I had been. And now, I was going to put it all on the line again.
In chatting with James there was a kind of safety in the words. I had no fear. I could say everything I wanted to and not be worried that I would sound stupid or be taken the wrong way. So I dumped! I dumped all my baggage on this poor man and just when he thought that that was all, I dumped more!
And he did the same.
And in looking at all he shared with me I thought. "I can live with that. That's not too bad."
And it was just amazing. Because he felt the same way about my baggage.
So much was going through my mind as I pulled into the parking lot. And I got out of my car looked around and saw him.
We walked across the parking lot to each other and hugged. He smelled good, he looked amazing and I was trying to keep myself centered.
We went inside, were seated at our table and had a few minutes of awkward minutes spent just smiling at each. We'd said so much the day before, we weren't sure where to start. Eventually we started talking and it was sweet and easy!
Then the defining moment.
James took my hand. I froze in wonder.
I'd been married to a man who never held my hand. And now this man was holding mine and smiling.
It was then. I knew I was in trouble. I was going to fall head over heels in love with this man. And it was either going to be wonderful, or hurt like hell!
I think we all know how things turned out.
One year later and I fall more in love with him everyday. He is loving, intelligent, kind, determined and everything and more that I have dreamed of.
And we're going to have a baby!
I am the luckiest woman in the world! And I'm so thankful to have him. I can't wait till we're holding our baby boy! Then that will be the most amazing day of my life! Right now, March 1, 2009 is still first.