Silent as long as possible.

Those of you who know me know that I don't like to get political. I hate the feelings that can arise from such a simple discussion and difference of opinions. People get so angry and upset about how they feel about this country and it's laws.
But, as a woman who was on AHCCCS and a new mother. The cuts that our elected Governor has proposed, has made me so sad and angry that I had to write to this woman and express myself.
I understand many will not agree. But I have done all I can. Written to my Governor. And now, I am stuck with her decision because the majority choose her to lead this State.

Governor Brewer

On November 2, 2010 I went to vote. And I did not vote for you.

You became the Governor of Arizona despite my vote. So I have the misfortune of having you lead the state that I was born in, raised in, and have my family living in, at least until the next election. And I pray it is only till then and that you will not be re-elected.

The anger and disappointment I feel cannot be expressed. You put the needs of the well off and few above the needs of those that need the help of its leaders the most. You seek to give yourself more power and take the rights of those who elected you away.

I have a son, and you are proposing to make cuts to education that will effect his future and what it can be. How can you be so blind to destroy the only true hope that we as a state, country and world have. I know it sounds sappy. But children are the future and you taking away funding to their betterment is selfish and greedy.

Why don’t you stop the lawsuit you have against the Federal Government? How much of our State budget are you spending in that fight?

You also seek to take away medical coverage for people below the poverty level. How nice it must be to not have to be concerned about your healthcare. To know that if you need to see a doctor, and get a prescription you can do so. Some do not have that peace of mind.

In 2009 I became pregnant. I was working part time at $9.00 an hour. When I informed my employer that I was expecting I was fired because I would not be able to perform my job duties. But, what fight did I have in that respect? Arizona is a right to work state and I can fired because my employer doesn’t like red-heads.

I tried to find work, but as my pregnancy progressed, but no one was going to hire someone who was going to have to go on maternity leave. I was also very sick the whole 40 weeks.

I was so thankful that the state I have worked in since I was 16 had the Baby Arizona Program. I was able to receive wonderful care and have my baby in a Hospital where if I had needed any help, it would have been provided instantly.

I am lucky, in that I no longer need to be on AHCCCS. But, I cannot imagine the pain and suffering you are causing by proposing to cut the benefits. There are people working two or more jobs to provide for themselves, just to keep themselves in a home, and now they will have to pay out of pocket for any health needs.

You say that they can go to the Emergency Rooms. Yes. But if they can’t pay a doctors bill how are they to pay an Emergency Room bill? And if no one can pay the Emergency Room bill, how is the Emergency Room to pay for it’s supplies and it’s Doctors and Nurses? I hope I don’t need to continue in the cause and effect.

You are destroying this state. You. I blame you for all that has been going so wrong. You destroy so much hope and faith that has put in you by the office you have been elected to and you abuse this hope, trust and power for your own gain. How dare you. I don’t expect that you have any shame. You lied so much during your campaign and won.

Congratulations.

One Arizona Mother

Danette Shoemaker

The Proposal

Ok people. I know you all want to know so here it is!

How the love of my life asked me to Marry him.

We drove five hours to get out of the heat and desert to spend three days in Greer AZ in the White Mountains. The drive up was wonderful, we watched the temperature gauge drop the further we went and went from cactus, to low bushes to pine trees. One of the many things I love about Arizona is you have your pick of scenery and climate.
We arrived at our cabin and the spa was broken. We had paid extra for a spa! So we were moved, and what a blessing that was!
Our new cabin overlooked a huge meadow with trees all around and in the background a huge hill. And then horses came down to feed! It was amazing!
That night we get settled in have dinner and watch as stars start popping out.
The next thing I know I've just changed the baby when James comes in and asks me to give him Aidan, I tease about him planning to put the baby in the spa and we go outside.
A full moon is rising over the trees. I am almost speechless when I turn around to mention how beautiful the site is when I see James holding our baby who is gumming a small black box.
Now those of you who know me, know that sometimes it takes me a moment to realize exactly what is going on. And this was of course one of those moments. So I stare like an idiot at the box and then squeal like a 12 year old girl over the Backstreet Boys.
James hands me the box and while still holding our baby he gets down on one knee and asks me to marry him. I immediately say "Or course I will" and we hug and cry! He then opens the box laughing at me that I haven't opened it and puts the ring on my finger. (The photo is a reenactment)
It was his Grandmother's ring that his Mom gave to him to give to me.
The moment couldn't have been more perfect! I had the men of my life asking me to marry them!
And I feel so lucky! I've known for a long time that I was going to marry him and I've had no doubts that we are going to be together for the rest of our lives and longer. But it was nice to have it all "official official"
And it makes the folks happy.

Stealing a moment

Even though I really should go to bed because the baby is sleeping and I have to be at work by 4 am. I know. I'll try to be quick!
Life has been super busy and crazy. I got a job at Target and started on Mother's day. I was so thankful to get a job in this economy that I cannot even begin to tell you. I started out saying I would work any time they wanted because I wanted to get hired and I felt that if I worked really hard they would love me and I could then go on a more consistent schedule.
After three months of being there I have asked to be the Captain of the Back to School area. I will be responsible for preparing for the Ad, knowing where everything is and keeping the area stocked and organized!
I am blown away!
I also seem to have every team lead wanting me on their team. I have the Cashier Lead wanting me to cashier, the Flow and Plano teams wanting me and all across the board everyone seems happy with me. And I am so glad about that!
I'm so happy to be employed and to feel that I am doing a good job. It feels good.
I am also SO thankful to my mom and my in laws and James. Together we have been able to avoid daycare and my sweet beautiful baby has been surrounded by people who love him.
I fall more in love everyday with this little man.
And now he's awake!
Gotta go!

Being a Mommy Rocks!

My baby is starting to make more and more noises and smiling! Oh my God it is the most wonderful thing ever! He's so beautiful I just cry when I look at him sometimes! It's amazing.
I've started to do some things that I hope are really enriching to him. We go for a walk first thing in the morning. I love having him hear the birds and smell the air while it's still cool. Then we come home and I play around on the piano, the guitar and I need to start playing my violin for him too. It's wonderful that he gets so excited when I play music for him. I love it!
Then today as I was walking him around today I was reading Emily Dickinson's poetry to him and he fell asleep. I'm the luckiest Mommy ever!
Today I also stopped by Target to introduce myself after I filled out an application online. Luckily I got to speak to the manager of the department I was interested in working for. I will hopefully get an interview next week.
My first Mother's Day this year. I am so lucky! And my parents were right. They said when I had a baby I would understand how they felt about me.
I started his picture book and I am just amazed at how beautiful he looks and how much has happened in two months. It's going by so fast! And I'm trying to cherish every moment.

Mommy life

Boy is it hard! Worth every second but hard!
I've had days where my boy has cried and cried and I have cried with him cause I didn't know what he wanted. I was trying everything and nothing was comforting him. And it killed me cause I just want to take good care of him in everything.
James has been so wonderful. He comes home from work, tired and needing to rest and all he wants is a kiss and to hold his baby. He also keeps his eye out for anything that he thinks will be beneficial to him when he's older. He was listening to KBAQ and Tubby the Tuba came on and he called me asking me to write it down so we could get it. He's so excited to teach his son so many things.
And I'm so thankful to have him. My baby is going to learn so many wonderful things from James. He'll learn about history and baseball, he'll learn to research everything and not just take things at face value.
Also, things will be looking up. James had bought a DVD for us called Dunstan Baby Language and we just watched it today. It was amazing! The lady who put this together, Priscilla Dunstan, was so uncomfortable in the DVD but she gives you examples of the different cries babies make and what those mean. Oh it was so helpful! I love it!!
It's been a little lonely. I don't have a car right now and won't until I get my tax refund. So I've been kinda stuck here. But I've at least had the energy at times to clean and do laundry and that makes me happy. I like having the energy to do things again.
I don't look forward to looking for a job. I hate the idea of leaving my baby. He's so beautiful and wonderful and I don't want to miss a moment! It was terrible leaving him just for a few hours. We'll see what happens though. Everything will work out for the best. I know that.
I have James and our baby. Everything will work out the way it needs to so that the best thing will happen for my son.

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beauitiful Boy!

My God! I cannot believe it. It's been over a week since I went through the most increadable experience ever! Things didn't exactly go the way I had expected but I was so happy with the outcome. At 7 am on Thursday March 4 I woke up in Labor. I wasn't sure I was in labor, but I was keeping track of the contractions and they were at the 5-1-1 timing. (Contractions lasting 1 min 5 minutes apart for 1 hour) but I still wasn't convinced. I spoke to my mom I spoke to my sister in law and was still uncertain. I mean I've never done this before I don't know!
So anyway things continue through the day. James goes to work and I get up and shave my legs! I know. What woman in labor thinks about shaving her legs, but damn it! I was going to feel confidant and good during labor, and for me, shaving my legs helps me with that.
So! I get a bag packed, have a bag for baby and I make sure I'm drinking tons of water, I'm resting as much as possible but sleep is not happening. I tried and after 30 minutes I woke up due to contractions. There was no rest. Ok!
James comes home from work I tell him that I'm in labor but that I don't feel overwhelmed or anything and that I want him to go to rehearsal as opening night for Salem:1692 is March 5th. He agrees to go but makes me promise to call him if things change. I promise I will!
He goes to rehearsal comes home and is able to get about an hours sleep.
At 2:30 am I tell him I need to go to the hospital. So we get our stuff and take off. We get into triage and sure enough I am in labor and 5 cm dilated. YAY! I came in right when I wanted to! we get to our room and first thing I am in the tub! After calling my mother to tell her I am at the hospital!
I relax in the tub as long as possible and then no position is comfortable.
We'll slip ahead as the next several hours are filled with Danette doing everything I can to breathe and relax with my mom and James doing everything they can to help me.
Basically I was in labor over 30 hours. 30 hours of no sleep and no rest or pause in the contractions. I finally realized that I would not be able to be relaxed and enjoy the birth of my son without an epidural. It was a tough choice, but I am glad that I had the help. As soon as the medication kicked in I was able to sleep. And it wasn't the epidural that took away all sensation. I could move my legs and still feel when I had a contraction and still feel my baby. All it did was remove the intense pain I felt.
I'm proud of how I did though. I knew I wanted to have a natural birth, but I also knew that I didn't know how I would react to labor. And I knew that I had options to help me.
When it came time for him to come out, I really tried not to so much push, but really breathe and help him move down and out. And after 40 minutes, my son was born at 1:06 pm on March 5. He was 8 lbs 8 oz and 20 in. long. All in all perfect. I was smiling as he came out. I was able to feel him coming, they set up a mirror for me and I saw the top of his head as he crowned.
The experience was so amazing!
My little boy is such a sweet, wonderful baby and I am awestruck every moment I look at him. Every facial expression is priceless and every sound, even his cries, are music.

Anniversary

One year. Amazing. It's gone by so fast and so slow at the same time.
A year ago yesterday I was sitting at my computer when a chat came up. It was Jim Porter. We'd tried going out on a date a month before and it had been a disaster! The reason being that I didn't know if it was a date or not and I did what I did best back then and hid rather than be open and ask.
We start chatting.
And chatting.
And chatting.
14 hours later I am now aware that he likes me! That he wants to take me out on a date! And we are going to Guys and Dolls at Arizona Broadway Theater the next day.
It's about 2 in the morning. What the hell will I wear?
One of my roommates comes home and I'm able to ask her in a panic what to wear. We dig through my closet and find a dress, then we pick a jean jacket and shoes.
The next morning, I am a nervous wreck! I shower, do my hair, get dressed and drive to my date. One of the reasons I'm so nervous is because James had told me that he was going to kiss me. Needless to say I have brushed, flossed, and mouth washed more than once. I am ready! And still nervous.
I've had rotten luck with men recently. And I have was getting really tired. I was starting to accept that being alone wasn't such a bad thing. And I was actually happier than I had been. And now, I was going to put it all on the line again.
In chatting with James there was a kind of safety in the words. I had no fear. I could say everything I wanted to and not be worried that I would sound stupid or be taken the wrong way. So I dumped! I dumped all my baggage on this poor man and just when he thought that that was all, I dumped more!
And he did the same.
And in looking at all he shared with me I thought. "I can live with that. That's not too bad."
And it was just amazing. Because he felt the same way about my baggage.
So much was going through my mind as I pulled into the parking lot. And I got out of my car looked around and saw him.
We walked across the parking lot to each other and hugged. He smelled good, he looked amazing and I was trying to keep myself centered.
We went inside, were seated at our table and had a few minutes of awkward minutes spent just smiling at each. We'd said so much the day before, we weren't sure where to start. Eventually we started talking and it was sweet and easy!
Then the defining moment.
James took my hand. I froze in wonder.
I'd been married to a man who never held my hand. And now this man was holding mine and smiling.
It was then. I knew I was in trouble. I was going to fall head over heels in love with this man. And it was either going to be wonderful, or hurt like hell!
I think we all know how things turned out.
One year later and I fall more in love with him everyday. He is loving, intelligent, kind, determined and everything and more that I have dreamed of.
And we're going to have a baby!
I am the luckiest woman in the world! And I'm so thankful to have him. I can't wait till we're holding our baby boy! Then that will be the most amazing day of my life! Right now, March 1, 2009 is still first.