Danette's Story

Silent as long as possible.

2011-01-20T20:23:00.003-07:00

Those of you who know me know that I don't like to get political. I hate the feelings that can arise from such a simple discussion and difference of opinions. People get so angry and upset about how they feel about this country and it's laws.
But, as a woman who was on AHCCCS and a new mother. The cuts that our elected Governor has proposed, has made me so sad and angry that I had to write to this woman and express myself.
I understand many will not agree. But I have done all I can. Written to my Governor. And now, I am stuck with her decision because the majority choose her to lead this State.

Governor Brewer

On November 2, 2010 I went to vote. And I did not vote for you.

You became the Governor of Arizona despite my vote. So I have the misfortune of having you lead the state that I was born in, raised in, and have my family living in, at least until the next election. And I pray it is only till then and that you will not be re-elected.

The anger and disappointment I feel cannot be expressed. You put the needs of the well off and few above the needs of those that need the help of its leaders the most. You seek to give yourself more power and take the rights of those who elected you away.

I have a son, and you are proposing to make cuts to education that will effect his future and what it can be. How can you be so blind to destroy the only true hope that we as a state, country and world have. I know it sounds sappy. But children are the future and you taking away funding to their betterment is selfish and greedy.

Why don’t you stop the lawsuit you have against the Federal Government? How much of our State budget are you spending in that fight?

You also seek to take away medical coverage for people below the poverty level. How nice it must be to not have to be concerned about your healthcare. To know that if you need to see a doctor, and get a prescription you can do so. Some do not have that peace of mind.

In 2009 I became pregnant. I was working part time at $9.00 an hour. When I informed my employer that I was expecting I was fired because I would not be able to perform my job duties. But, what fight did I have in that respect? Arizona is a right to work state and I can fired because my employer doesn’t like red-heads.

I tried to find work, but as my pregnancy progressed, but no one was going to hire someone who was going to have to go on maternity leave. I was also very sick the whole 40 weeks.

I was so thankful that the state I have worked in since I was 16 had the Baby Arizona Program. I was able to receive wonderful care and have my baby in a Hospital where if I had needed any help, it would have been provided instantly.

I am lucky, in that I no longer need to be on AHCCCS. But, I cannot imagine the pain and suffering you are causing by proposing to cut the benefits. There are people working two or more jobs to provide for themselves, just to keep themselves in a home, and now they will have to pay out of pocket for any health needs.

You say that they can go to the Emergency Rooms. Yes. But if they can’t pay a doctors bill how are they to pay an Emergency Room bill? And if no one can pay the Emergency Room bill, how is the Emergency Room to pay for it’s supplies and it’s Doctors and Nurses? I hope I don’t need to continue in the cause and effect.

You are destroying this state. You. I blame you for all that has been going so wrong. You destroy so much hope and faith that has put in you by the office you have been elected to and you abuse this hope, trust and power for your own gain. How dare you. I don’t expect that you have any shame. You lied so much during your campaign and won.

Congratulations.

One Arizona Mother

Danette Shoemaker

The Proposal

2010-08-29T20:13:00.009-07:00

Ok people. I know you all want to know so here it is!

How the love of my life asked me to Marry him.

We drove five hours to get out of the heat and desert to spend three days in Greer AZ in the White Mountains. The drive up was wonderful, we watched the temperature gauge drop the further we went and went from cactus, to low bushes to pine trees. One of the many things I love about Arizona is you have your pick of scenery and climate.
We arrived at our cabin and the spa was broken. We had paid extra for a spa! So we were moved, and what a blessing that was!
Our new cabin overlooked a huge meadow with trees all around and in the background a huge hill. And then horses came down to feed! It was amazing!
That night we get settled in have dinner and watch as stars start popping out.
The next thing I know I've just changed the baby when James comes in and asks me to give him Aidan, I tease about him planning to put the baby in the spa and we go outside.
A full moon is rising over the trees. I am almost speechless when I turn around to mention how beautiful the site is when I see James holding our baby who is gumming a small black box.
Now those of you who know me, know that sometimes it takes me a moment to realize exactly what is going on. And this was of course one of those moments. So I stare like an idiot at the box and then squeal like a 12 year old girl over the Backstreet Boys.
James hands me the box and while still holding our baby he gets down on one knee and asks me to marry him. I immediately say "Or course I will" and we hug and cry! He then opens the box laughing at me that I haven't opened it and puts the ring on my finger. (The photo is a reenactment)
It was his Grandmother's ring that his Mom gave to him to give to me.
The moment couldn't have been more perfect! I had the men of my life asking me to marry them!
And I feel so lucky! I've known for a long time that I was going to marry him and I've had no doubts that we are going to be together for the rest of our lives and longer. But it was nice to have it all "official official"
And it makes the folks happy.

Stealing a moment

2010-07-14T21:30:00.002-07:00

Even though I really should go to bed because the baby is sleeping and I have to be at work by 4 am. I know. I'll try to be quick!
Life has been super busy and crazy. I got a job at Target and started on Mother's day. I was so thankful to get a job in this economy that I cannot even begin to tell you. I started out saying I would work any time they wanted because I wanted to get hired and I felt that if I worked really hard they would love me and I could then go on a more consistent schedule.
After three months of being there I have asked to be the Captain of the Back to School area. I will be responsible for preparing for the Ad, knowing where everything is and keeping the area stocked and organized!
I am blown away!
I also seem to have every team lead wanting me on their team. I have the Cashier Lead wanting me to cashier, the Flow and Plano teams wanting me and all across the board everyone seems happy with me. And I am so glad about that!
I'm so happy to be employed and to feel that I am doing a good job. It feels good.
I am also SO thankful to my mom and my in laws and James. Together we have been able to avoid daycare and my sweet beautiful baby has been surrounded by people who love him.
I fall more in love everyday with this little man.
And now he's awake!
Gotta go!

Being a Mommy Rocks!

2010-05-01T08:34:00.000-07:00

My baby is starting to make more and more noises and smiling! Oh my God it is the most wonderful thing ever! He's so beautiful I just cry when I look at him sometimes! It's amazing.
I've started to do some things that I hope are really enriching to him. We go for a walk first thing in the morning. I love having him hear the birds and smell the air while it's still cool. Then we come home and I play around on the piano, the guitar and I need to start playing my violin for him too. It's wonderful that he gets so excited when I play music for him. I love it!
Then today as I was walking him around today I was reading Emily Dickinson's poetry to him and he fell asleep. I'm the luckiest Mommy ever!
Today I also stopped by Target to introduce myself after I filled out an application online. Luckily I got to speak to the manager of the department I was interested in working for. I will hopefully get an interview next week.
My first Mother's Day this year. I am so lucky! And my parents were right. They said when I had a baby I would understand how they felt about me.
I started his picture book and I am just amazed at how beautiful he looks and how much has happened in two months. It's going by so fast! And I'm trying to cherish every moment.

Mommy life

2010-04-07T16:36:00.002-07:00

Boy is it hard! Worth every second but hard!
I've had days where my boy has cried and cried and I have cried with him cause I didn't know what he wanted. I was trying everything and nothing was comforting him. And it killed me cause I just want to take good care of him in everything.
James has been so wonderful. He comes home from work, tired and needing to rest and all he wants is a kiss and to hold his baby. He also keeps his eye out for anything that he thinks will be beneficial to him when he's older. He was listening to KBAQ and Tubby the Tuba came on and he called me asking me to write it down so we could get it. He's so excited to teach his son so many things.
And I'm so thankful to have him. My baby is going to learn so many wonderful things from James. He'll learn about history and baseball, he'll learn to research everything and not just take things at face value.
Also, things will be looking up. James had bought a DVD for us called Dunstan Baby Language and we just watched it today. It was amazing! The lady who put this together, Priscilla Dunstan, was so uncomfortable in the DVD but she gives you examples of the different cries babies make and what those mean. Oh it was so helpful! I love it!!
It's been a little lonely. I don't have a car right now and won't until I get my tax refund. So I've been kinda stuck here. But I've at least had the energy at times to clean and do laundry and that makes me happy. I like having the energy to do things again.
I don't look forward to looking for a job. I hate the idea of leaving my baby. He's so beautiful and wonderful and I don't want to miss a moment! It was terrible leaving him just for a few hours. We'll see what happens though. Everything will work out for the best. I know that.
I have James and our baby. Everything will work out the way it needs to so that the best thing will happen for my son.

Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beauitiful Boy!

2010-03-13T15:20:00.002-07:00

My God! I cannot believe it. It's been over a week since I went through the most increadable experience ever! Things didn't exactly go the way I had expected but I was so happy with the outcome. At 7 am on Thursday March 4 I woke up in Labor. I wasn't sure I was in labor, but I was keeping track of the contractions and they were at the 5-1-1 timing. (Contractions lasting 1 min 5 minutes apart for 1 hour) but I still wasn't convinced. I spoke to my mom I spoke to my sister in law and was still uncertain. I mean I've never done this before I don't know!
So anyway things continue through the day. James goes to work and I get up and shave my legs! I know. What woman in labor thinks about shaving her legs, but damn it! I was going to feel confidant and good during labor, and for me, shaving my legs helps me with that.
So! I get a bag packed, have a bag for baby and I make sure I'm drinking tons of water, I'm resting as much as possible but sleep is not happening. I tried and after 30 minutes I woke up due to contractions. There was no rest. Ok!
James comes home from work I tell him that I'm in labor but that I don't feel overwhelmed or anything and that I want him to go to rehearsal as opening night for Salem:1692 is March 5th. He agrees to go but makes me promise to call him if things change. I promise I will!
He goes to rehearsal comes home and is able to get about an hours sleep.
At 2:30 am I tell him I need to go to the hospital. So we get our stuff and take off. We get into triage and sure enough I am in labor and 5 cm dilated. YAY! I came in right when I wanted to! we get to our room and first thing I am in the tub! After calling my mother to tell her I am at the hospital!
I relax in the tub as long as possible and then no position is comfortable.
We'll slip ahead as the next several hours are filled with Danette doing everything I can to breathe and relax with my mom and James doing everything they can to help me.
Basically I was in labor over 30 hours. 30 hours of no sleep and no rest or pause in the contractions. I finally realized that I would not be able to be relaxed and enjoy the birth of my son without an epidural. It was a tough choice, but I am glad that I had the help. As soon as the medication kicked in I was able to sleep. And it wasn't the epidural that took away all sensation. I could move my legs and still feel when I had a contraction and still feel my baby. All it did was remove the intense pain I felt.
I'm proud of how I did though. I knew I wanted to have a natural birth, but I also knew that I didn't know how I would react to labor. And I knew that I had options to help me.
When it came time for him to come out, I really tried not to so much push, but really breathe and help him move down and out. And after 40 minutes, my son was born at 1:06 pm on March 5. He was 8 lbs 8 oz and 20 in. long. All in all perfect. I was smiling as he came out. I was able to feel him coming, they set up a mirror for me and I saw the top of his head as he crowned.
The experience was so amazing!
My little boy is such a sweet, wonderful baby and I am awestruck every moment I look at him. Every facial expression is priceless and every sound, even his cries, are music.

Anniversary

2010-03-01T12:46:00.002-07:00

One year. Amazing. It's gone by so fast and so slow at the same time.
A year ago yesterday I was sitting at my computer when a chat came up. It was Jim Porter. We'd tried going out on a date a month before and it had been a disaster! The reason being that I didn't know if it was a date or not and I did what I did best back then and hid rather than be open and ask.
We start chatting.
And chatting.
And chatting.
14 hours later I am now aware that he likes me! That he wants to take me out on a date! And we are going to Guys and Dolls at Arizona Broadway Theater the next day.
It's about 2 in the morning. What the hell will I wear?
One of my roommates comes home and I'm able to ask her in a panic what to wear. We dig through my closet and find a dress, then we pick a jean jacket and shoes.
The next morning, I am a nervous wreck! I shower, do my hair, get dressed and drive to my date. One of the reasons I'm so nervous is because James had told me that he was going to kiss me. Needless to say I have brushed, flossed, and mouth washed more than once. I am ready! And still nervous.
I've had rotten luck with men recently. And I have was getting really tired. I was starting to accept that being alone wasn't such a bad thing. And I was actually happier than I had been. And now, I was going to put it all on the line again.
In chatting with James there was a kind of safety in the words. I had no fear. I could say everything I wanted to and not be worried that I would sound stupid or be taken the wrong way. So I dumped! I dumped all my baggage on this poor man and just when he thought that that was all, I dumped more!
And he did the same.
And in looking at all he shared with me I thought. "I can live with that. That's not too bad."
And it was just amazing. Because he felt the same way about my baggage.
So much was going through my mind as I pulled into the parking lot. And I got out of my car looked around and saw him.
We walked across the parking lot to each other and hugged. He smelled good, he looked amazing and I was trying to keep myself centered.
We went inside, were seated at our table and had a few minutes of awkward minutes spent just smiling at each. We'd said so much the day before, we weren't sure where to start. Eventually we started talking and it was sweet and easy!
Then the defining moment.
James took my hand. I froze in wonder.
I'd been married to a man who never held my hand. And now this man was holding mine and smiling.
It was then. I knew I was in trouble. I was going to fall head over heels in love with this man. And it was either going to be wonderful, or hurt like hell!
I think we all know how things turned out.
One year later and I fall more in love with him everyday. He is loving, intelligent, kind, determined and everything and more that I have dreamed of.
And we're going to have a baby!
I am the luckiest woman in the world! And I'm so thankful to have him. I can't wait till we're holding our baby boy! Then that will be the most amazing day of my life! Right now, March 1, 2009 is still first.

This may shock you.

2010-02-24T11:47:00.002-07:00

I don't normally get political.
The way I see it, your beliefs are your own. You have every right to share your ideas and opinions but don't try and convince me that your way is the only way. I will be respectful and honor the right that you have to your opinions. I remember the election between George W. Bush and John Kerry. I was at school in California at the time and I had everyone come up to me and ask who I voted for. I said as politely as I could "That is none of your business." Many immediately railed at me, that I had voted for Bush and how could I do such a thing. I was again polite "If I did vote for Bush or Kerry, it is my right. I voted today for the man that I felt would be the lesser of two evils. I don't care for either of them but I have only two choices and I made a choice that I can live with. I'm glad you did too." I then walked away.
Again this past election between Obama and McCain I made the choice I felt was the lesser of two evils. I feel that every politician is not serving the American People. They are out for themselves and are only interested in what they can do for them.
What I disagree with the most is the way that everyone rallied behind Bush after he won his second term and many people were upset. The media came out and said "Oh come on now. He's the President. Let's be supportive and just accept this." And America did.
But now. All I hear on the news is how Obama is destroying America and down with him and his ideas and policy's!
Could you listen to yourself? Let's grow up Fox News. Why don't you show an objective view point? If all you listen to is Glenn Beck and Bill O'Rielly of course your going to be scared! We're all going to die because Obama wants everyone to have Health Care and if you don't want Health Care too bad, cause he wants to kill you!
I was a Ron Paul supporter. I still am. I love that SOMEONE in politics today actually remembers what this country was based on. And I love that he wants us to go back to that. I may not agree with everything but someone who is objective and does not adhere to Conservative or Liberal is my kind of person!
Fox News mocked that he won a Straw Pull. Meanwhile you know that if McCain, or Palin had won the Straw Pull Fox News would have said "There is the Presidential Candidate for the next election!"
This is why I watch the Daily Show with Jon Stewart! He's doing his research on both sides of every issue and finding the humor in it instead of fear and propaganda. He mocks and encourages both sides as well! Yes he has his opinions but he does try to show the issue and what the parties are doing in regards to every issue.
Which is nothing. They are too busy fighting each other to actually do anything for the voters that put them in the positions they are in today.
I guess it's the fact I'm about to be a mother. I'm about to have a child and I have no job, no education, and am in debt up to my eyeballs because I was stupid in my divorce.
I've been working very hard since I was 16 years old. I have paid my taxes and I vote.
My government is not doing anything to help me. My government does not work for me. Because I am not a middle aged white man who was born into money. I am a "single" white woman about to have a child. Conservatives would have my head because I am not married as they believe that I should be. Liberals would have my head because I plan on getting married! (These are absolute extremes in case you needed clarification)
Where is the government that is suppose to help those that need some help? I could use a fresh start! I could use having the slate wiped clean for me. I'm 26 years old and if I'm lucky by the time I'm 40 I'll have paid off my debt. I was fired because I was pregnant. But I cannot prove that because the state that I live in is a Right To Work State. Which means if my employer does not like my hair color I can be fired.
I'm not even sure where I've ended up in this rant. I guess it's just a woman about to become a mother wondering what kind of world I am bringing this child into. And how I can protect him from so many liars and horrible people who will try and convince him to think a certain way out of fear.
And the saddest thing is that we all still listen. We will encourage people to continue spouting their Opinions without caring if what they say has any truth in it.

Another week.

2010-02-17T20:19:00.002-07:00

Well, had another doctor's appointment today! And I am scheduled for one next week, we'll see if I make it. Probably. But we'll see.
Aidan is still moving around a lot, he is still very active and has a good strong heartbeat. It was awesome! I love hearing his heartbeat. It thrills me. I also have gained another 2 pounds. God I feel massive! I know it's for baby, but being this heavy, so quickly is causing me a lot of pain. My legs, ankles and knees are killing me! I can't get comfortable standing at all. Any amount of time on my feet hurts so bad! I was cutting some fabric today and I was exhausted after. I had to lay down! So hard. I miss being active and really doing stuff! I know I'm doing stuff like making a baby and all, but you know what I mean.
James has just be so wonderful during this whole thing. He has calmed me down when I'm frantic, he has been my biggest source of comfort and I am so blessed to have him as my love, my partner and my friend. I know that we don't have a piece of paper, but I know he's my husband. I have no doubt that he and I will always be together.
I am just getting so anxious! I mean, I'm going to see my baby any day and knowing that I'm just so nervous and excited! I want him to come when he's ready, but then I want to see him now! You know? But patience. He'll come out when he's ready. I just really don't want to be induced. I hope he comes in plenty of time.
So that is where we are now. I am waiting for Aidan to come out and James is waiting for me to say "It's time."

Good times!

2010-02-09T00:32:00.002-07:00

So! On Saturday my mother in law and I (yes I know that legally she isn't but whatever!) went to my mom's house, where my mom, my sister and two of my sister in laws had decorated and cooked and put together a party for Aidan.It was awesome! So many family and friends came and brought diapers and other things that we're going to need and I just had so much fun! I also had a couple of friends show up that I have not seen in a few YEARS! Which was also awesome! Everything was so fun and I just had such a good time!
My Aunt Debbie brought a little rocking horse with Aidan's name on it and I almost teared up. I grew up spending a lot of time at my Uncle Carl and Aunt Faie's house because my cousin Becky was close to my age and we both loved horses. When my sister was born, my Uncle built a rocking horse and my Aunt painted it. And they started doing this for a lot of the family members. And these are beautiful rocking horses.
Well, my Uncle passed away several years ago, so these rocking horses cannot be made anymore. So, just getting one made me really happy!
I'm getting to the point that Aidan could come at any time. He's in the right position, and I'm feeling like it could happen at any time. I can't wait!

Craziness!

2010-02-01T15:17:00.003-07:00

I am going to have a baby.

No, this fact did not just spring upon me, I've known that I'm going to have a baby for almost 9 months now, but seriously! I'm actually going to have a baby! It could just be me, but being pregnant and going through all of that does not really make one prepare for the time when it's weeks away.

Because suddenly you're faced with everything you need to get done! Only you can't do it all yourself because you can barely move!

Then you have wonderful friends and family who are so supportive and willing to help in any way possible.

Several of my theater friends threw a co-ed baby shower for James and I. It was wonderful being surrounded by friends who are so excited that a baby is coming! It makes me feel good because I've already done two shows while being pregnant and I'm the costume designer for another one! Already this boy is surrounded by theater! Poor kid. There's no escape.

And my family is throwing me a traditional one that I cannot wait for! It'll be people I've known my whole life who have seen me grow up and are now watching me become a mother! Which I get the feeling has been a lot of fun for my mom! I wish I lived closer and it wasn't such a pain to drive right now, cause I'd be hanging out even more!

But! I'm to the point where I have to see the doctor every week. James and I need to start organizing our room so that we have space for baby and all the baby things we are going to have and we have to learn how to properly install a car seat! There is just so much!

And being an actor, you're a little aware of your body and how it does certain things. I've been trying to pay attention and it's just amazing! The things I can feel Aidan doing when he moves, it's almost like I can see it in my imagination. It's just the most incredible experience.

Overall, pregnancy has been a really tough experience for me. I'm use to being very active. Being able to get up and get done what I need to do. I've stuggled a lot in the limitations that I have had to put on myself (and the ones James has reminded me to put on myself). I've been sick and tired through most of this. We had a scare at the begining and we made it through. We were not expecting this so soon, but we both already knew that we wanted to be parents together! I've worried about what I've been eating, I've tried to ensure that I'm not a "crazy pregnant woman" and when I'm feeling weepy and emotional I've tried to communicate with James to the best of my abilities. I've read and sung to my belly and felt my son respond to the sound of my voice and felt him respond to the sound of daddy's voice.

What a blessing this has been. It's been wonderful to share this journey with friends and family and most of all James. We're preparing for the role of our lives.

Almost a month away.

2010-01-28T12:30:00.004-07:00

Well right now, I'm finding it hard to type as I have the most beautiful man laying in bed next to me. I find it hard not to stare sometimes.
And even then, seeing him moves me to tears at times. I had just accepted and believed that I would never find someone to love, and who loves me so much. He is everything I have ever dreamed of and more. And I know that sounds really corny but it's just how it is!
^That picture right there is how I still feel when
| he kisses me! And this was the first picture we took as a couple! coming up on a year!
Wow, we could have our baby on our year anniversary! Crazy!
Anyway. I'm starting to get really excited and really nervous! And I think the baby can tell. I keep reading that he's going to not be moving as much because he's running out of room but he seems as active as ever! Plus he's kicking and punching a lot more. It's wonderful! It never looses it's wonder for me.
I guess when you've convinced yourself that you'll never have something, when you get it, you're blown away and you just cherish every little movement and hiccup. I'm just amazed by everything. Even when I feel really sick and I'm in pain and I can't move, I wouldn't want to be in any other condition.
And James is just being wonderful. There have been days that I've not been able to get out of bed and he is right here taking care of me. He comes and checks on me, he makes sure I'm eating and that I have everything I need. And I start to feel bad cause I'm use to taking care of myself and being able to handle whatever happens. This experience has really made me accept help which has not been an easy thing to do.
I really look forward to when I'm able to do things on my own again. Much as I love James, I'm not one that likes being pampered this much. I just remind myself it's for the baby and not so much me. Then I'm able to deal with it a little better.
Well, I feel like I'm going a little nuts in my writing now, so I'm going to stop!

Too early to be awake.

2010-01-19T07:31:00.000-07:00

But when one can't sleep what can you do?
Aidan had the hiccups last night in addition to feeling restless. So he was just moving around constantly and this morning, my legs feel so cramped and painful that I don't know what to do. No position is comfortable.
And through all of this I still wouldn't want to be in any other condition.
I'm now in the process of trying to mentally, emotionally, spiritually and physically prepare myself for having a baby. Which is quite a thing to prepare for let me tell you. I'm not just preparing myself for the way I want things to go, I'm trying to anticipate that things may not go the way I want and I need to prepare myself to do the best thing for me and Aidan.
I also have costume making coming up for Salem 1692. And I cannot wait! In California when I was on tour in the summer, I ended being the person to come to when you had a costume problem. I loved it! I had tried helping the costumer with some sewing and I had tried to get in touch with another costumer I knew to start learning how to sew and be a costume designer. Then I moved back to AZ and had no contacts here till recently.
So the prospect of learning how to sew is really exciting to me. And it's not even so much the sewing that has me worried as the not feeling overwhelmed by the pattern. Luckily I have two wonderful ladies willing to help me out so I need not be worried. My mom and Katie are awesome to help me with this! Plus it's time with my mommy which I won't have much of after baby comes.
And boy is it coming up quick! It doesn't seem that long ago that James and I had just found out that we were expecting to be become parents. And now, here we are almost a month away from him coming.
I mean wow! Everything I've ever wanted and needed and here it is! I am so blessed. Blessed to love and be loved by James and to be starting a family.

Baby Face.

2010-01-03T12:07:00.000-07:00

This is my son's face. My baby that I feel moving around constantly. I'm so blown away. Seeing him, being able to sit and watch him as he moves around and feeling it at the same time was so amazing. I don't know how to describe it.

My whole life, I knew I wanted to be a mom. I was helping my mom with my younger siblings as soon as I could and as often as she would let me. I was babysitting at 12 and was so happy to become an Aunt for the first time when I was 15! And every time after that has been such a special thing for me, having another niece and then nephews!

I forgot that was what I wanted during my first marriage. I gave up thinking about all the things I had wanted for him, because what I wanted didn't fit what he wanted. Thank goodness I got over that!

Then about a year and a half ago, I started to get comfortable with the idea of being alone for the rest of my life. I was so tired of being hurt, lied to and used. So I decided that if I got use to the idea, maybe it wouldn't hurt so much. I would be the crazy aunt that my nieces and nephews could count on to spoil them and love them no matter what.

It was hard, but I started to come to grips with it. I dated, but with the intention that I was only looking for that special someone and it worked out well. I didn't get hurt as often and I was happier than I had been in a long time.

Then James came along. And I knew I was in trouble from the moment he took hold of my hand while we were talking.

I knew I was going to fall in love with him. And I was scared that he wouldn't feel the same.

Lucky me, he did!

And now, I'm about 10 weeks away from actually seeing my baby. A baby I never thought or dreamed that I would have. And here it is.

I am so blessed and so thankful for James and the life that we are building together. It's a little unlike we anticipated. But I know that I have found the person I am going to spend the rest of my life and beyond with . And I know that he feels the same way. He shows me in every word and action. And I think that that is the most wonderful thing we could offer our baby. Two parents who love each other unconditionally.

I am so looking forward to 2010, and I know I am so lucky! Because I haven't always had this.

Trying.

2009-12-12T12:04:00.000-07:00

So I went yesterday and tested with the City of Surprise to be a Communications dispatcher. There were about 300 other people there. No pressure. But I think I did fairly well! Actually I think I did really well. I was surprised how I did. That doesn't mean I'll get called. They are only going to take the top 5% or something like that of the people who passed. It would be an eight month process. Good times.
I also applied to Discover card. A friend of mine told me they were hiring. And I got called and answered some questions for them. They informed me that the class would start in late January and end late February early March and did I have any conflicts. I was like, "Well, I will be having a baby around that time, but other than that I'm free."
It's tough. But we'll figure something out. Everything is going to work out fine. If I have to be a telemarketer for a while. I know most of the people in my family would disown me if I did that, but gotta pay the bills somehow! Geesh!
Other than that, things going great! Baby Aidan is getting more and more active, James has been putting together more ideas for Arizona Curriculum Theater and I'm happy.
Trying to figure out my financial situation and James has also been trying to help me with that which is nice, but I'm trying to stay in a good mood for the baby's sake. I don't want things happening before they are suppose to!

Thanksgiving.

2009-11-26T15:58:00.000-07:00

Crazy that this is the first Thanksgiving that I have with James. I feel like he has always been in my life. Not in the bad way of , "God we've been together so long!" No I mean in the "You've always been here, because I've been waiting for you". I'm so happy and thankful that he is in my life! I love him so much!
We went and hung out with my family this morning! James got to meet most of my mom's siblings and her mother! My Grandma tells James that she's heard how tall and handsome he is and that she hasn't been lied to and then she says, "When are you getting me Diamondbacks tickets?" Yup. That's my Grandma!
So I take him around Pioneer Park in Mesa. A park that I grew up going to. I show him the Train that is still there that I use to be able to climb all over. Now it's gated off because people hurt themselves and people started peeing in it and it houses stray cats. I pointed out where the airplane use to be that again we could climb all over before they removed it. I then described the Western town that was there too! There was this little thing that looked like a western town, it had walkways and different signs above the doorways and you could climb onto the second story and have shootouts and stuff! Man. That use to be the coolest park ever!
It was wonderful sharing those memories with him! I can't wait till we go back to Rhode Island and he can show me where he grew up!
It was fun hanging with my family! We then went back to my parents house and got the next round of pregnant belly pictures! Holy Cow, btw! When I took the first pictures I was only a few months along, and I thought I was pretty big! No way! I looked at those pictures and I thought, "Oh my god! I was so tiny!!!" Cause now I can't even see my feet! James got in a couple of them too! I can't wait to post them everywhere! He was down level with my belly and had his head against my belly and I had my arms around his head! They are so beautiful!!! I can't wait to share them!
Then it was back to Surprise where we're getting ready to have dinner with his parents!
I don't think I have ever enjoyed a holiday season so much in my life! I'm actually even looking forward to the whole Christmas spirit thing! Usually I'm a bit of a Grinch until the week before. But I am just so happy this year. Happier than I have ever been before!
And I owe that to the two men of my life! James and Aidan!

Hanging with the girls!

2009-11-20T17:15:00.000-07:00

So, after my show I drove to Mesa to see the new Twilight movie "New Moon". Now, I don't really care for the movie, I'm not on any of the teams and I don't count the days till the next one. I have read the books and found them to be well written and entertaining and I can admire that the author tried something new and different with the Vampire lore. However when we can get back to Lost Boys and Interview with the Vampire type monsters again that will be nice!
Enough of Vampires being creatures that we can all fall in love with! True Blood and Twilight. They are monsters. A classic monster that has a seduction to it because that is how it lures it's prey!
Anyway. I went because this was my mom's birthday present. Hanging with her girls! And I had a great time! The two hours before the movie were spent talking and planning and laughing a ton! Also some crying when my mom and sister felt my belly and Aidan moving around. Faith and I have had our sister in laws pregnant a few times and have beautiful nieces and nephews running around, but we didn't grow up with them and we were old enough to know you don't just touch a pregnant woman's belly. That's rude. So our opportunities to feel fetal movement have been very few. I think the last time I did was when my sister was in my mom and I was kicked in the back onto the floor.
Sharing this amazing wonder of being pregnant has been wonderful to share with my mom. She is such a loving woman and so fun to be around and I don't know of a better Grandma out there. She would have everyday be Grandma day if she could. And last night having my sister share too was great! She looks forward to being a mom so much and just from that you know she's going to be a great mom.
So yes, even though the evening was filled with shrieks and sighs as two boys came on screen I did get to actually see most of the movie and it wasn't that bad. And I got to hang out with two of the coolest girls I know! And you can't ask for more than that.

Crazy Times!

2009-11-14T11:04:00.000-07:00

So, my show opened last week and we have been getting some really wonderful reviews! That makes me happy! I enjoy being part of a show that people enjoy and want to come to! It's also been really wonderful working with Arizona Jewish Theatre. I had heard that they were very nice to work for and what do you know they are! The cast has also been very fun and I've enjoyed being able to get to know them!
Only this weekend and next left so hurry up and come!
My baby Aidan has been getting more and more active! I joke that I have a future Olympic Gymnast in me. He moves around so much. It really is the most amazing feeling in the world! I wish I could describe it! But nothing works. No words or feelings. Knowing that my baby is strong and moving and reacts to my voice when I read aloud or sing, makes me tear up! I know it sounds kinda silly but I love it! Being pregnant is starting to be really fun! The first few months, not so much! It kinda sucked in fact, but now it's all fun and wonderful!!!
I have Maegan's Bridal shower today, her mother is putting it on for her. I think that is very sweet, I remember my mom doing that! It was a great time!
Which reminds me I have to start planning a baby shower don't I? Crap! Luckily thanks to my very sweet Aunt Lana and Uncle Paul I have a car seat and stroller already! And nice ones too!! They just need to be cleaned up a little. They've been in a garage.
(Sigh) There is so much I need to get done! I have another show that I start rehearsals for .....this week? Next week? Not sure! But another show soon none the less, Joey and the Fir Tree, check out www.curriculumtheater.org! Thanks!
And then once that show is done I have full availability to try and get a job! I'll rest when I have one! It's going to be interesting, not sure how many places are going to want to employ a woman 7 months pregnant. But hey! There could be some very loving people out there! What do you know!
Anyway. That's about all that is going on right now, I'm in the process of getting plans together for Thanksgiving and getting a job and completing two wonderful shows. It should be fun!!

Things don't always go your way.

2009-10-22T12:49:00.000-07:00

Like in the way of jobs. I made a joke at rehearsal last night that the only place hiring pregnant women was Arizona Jewish Theater. My stage mananger laughed. That and I'm so tired all the time because I'm pregnant and in the process of creating a human being. That just takes a toll.

James is being so wonderfully supporive. I don't know what I would do without him. I cry and complain that I'm not good at anything and he just looks at me in shock. He then goes on to tell me that I am the most intellegent, loving and beautiful person that he has ever met, and that he knows I can do anything and he can't wait till I know it too. That he's so proud and he couldn't have asked for a better woman to be the mother of his children.

That helps. A lot in fact. I've got a lot of pride when it comes to doing things myself and taking care of myself. The fact that I have been having a hard time of it lately hurts me. And I feel that I am failing to a degree.

Anyway. Everything else is great! Rehearsals for Fool's are so much fun! We haven't even completed the first two weeks and we have the whole thing blocked! Now, we're just running scenes and being nit picky! The cast is great fun to be around and the fast pace of the show and the silly things that happen cause a lot of cracking up and swearing to come out as we jump right back to where we were before everything got derailed!

I'm really impressed with how the cast is working with the director and how far we've all come. I've never felt a production come together so quickly before! It's been a wonderful experience.

Baby Aidan is moving around like crazy at times and it's wonderful to feel him. He loves to be read to already, and still enjoys jumping on my bladder. All the time.

I'll be having lunch with my sister tomorrow and then she's being awesome and helping me move the last of my stuff out of my old place. They need to get that room rented out. The biggest problem I have, is that I have no where to put it all. My parents have no room and I don't know anyone that does. I can't even get someone to help me by loaning a truck. It's pretty lame.

But, everything will work out. I'm going to drop an application off at Starbucks on Saturday and I'm praying that I will at least be called for an interview.

Things will turn around. And everything will work out. I know and trust that.

Poe

2009-10-19T19:24:00.000-07:00

So, my son is an Edgar Allan Poe fan. Which I find awesome and a little creepy. I mean Aidan goes crazy when James is performing The Tell Tale Heart and I'm not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing.

Still, I like that he seems to like the classics. I've started reading the complete poems of Edgar Allan Poe out loud and he seems to start moving around. It's pretty sweet! I love it!

I can't wait to start reading other stories! I bought a copy of the Just So Stories and the Canterbury Tales. I'm really looking forward to reading to him. I love it!

Baby Boy!

2009-10-17T00:14:00.000-07:00

Yes! That is what James and I are expecting! We already have the name Adian James for our son and we couldn't be happier!

Everyone kept asking us what we wanted to have and what we thought, a lot of people had opinions of what we were going to have, but James and I didn't care.

Didn't care about what we were going have! Out thinking has always been that as long as the baby is healthy we don't care! We have been so delighted at the prospect of becoming a family that we have no preference! If we have a daughter, wonderful! If we have a son, wonderful! We've just been so overwhelmed that we can even have a child that knowing we have one on the way has been the greatest joy!

And our son, is just going to be loved! I'm going to make sure he knows how to climb trees and James is going to make sure that he becomes a good man, of course I'll have part in that as well, but the biggest thing, is James and I working together to ensure that our son knows that no matter what happens in life, he has two parents who love him. Thats really the most important thing I want my children to know. If they learn nothing else in life, I want them to know without any doubt that they are loved by their parents! And they will be!

And as soon as I figure out how to put pictures on this thing, I'll post those!

Family Ties!

2009-09-06T20:55:00.000-07:00

Had a great day with my family today!
My brother had his 2nd son and 5th child blessed today, the baby is so tiny! I got to hold him for the first time today. My two other brothers were there, my parents and my mom's mom.
And tomorrow we have our Family Bike Ride that we try to do every Memorial Day and Labor Day. I won't be riding a bike but I will be going! Then we have swimming at my Grandma Daly's. We'll then be having a BBQ at my Uncles later too. All in all a fun filled day ahead of us!
I really love spending time with my family. They mean the world to me. I'm so glad to have their love and support. All of this would be a lot harder without them.
I'm also very lucky to have the Porters support and acceptance. They are such fun and loving people, they always make me feel so welcome whenever I am in their home. I'm so thankful for that.
All in all, a wonderful day.
Day's like this make me miss my oldest brother and his family. I wish that they weren't so far away. I haven't seen them in a few years. Sad. But things seem to be very good for them out there and that's all I care about.

Here we go.....

2009-08-30T13:39:00.000-07:00

Ok people. Here it is. Finally I have started a blog. I'm not going to a very good blogger. I can only promise to do the very best that I can to keep you all up to date as to what is going on in life!

So! This is what is up!

I have been dating my friend James Porter who I met two years ago in a show since March 1st this year. So, about 6 months!

We started our relationship the best way in the world, both having been through such a horrible time in relationships we decided to lay everything on the table from day one. We said exactly what it was we were looking for, what we wanted in life and what we were not going to put up with. And we found that we wanted the sames things, we were looking for the sames things and we were both the opposite of what we couldn't live with. All in all, we found that we are alike enough to get along and different enough to make things interesting.

James and I determined right away that this was it! We were goners! I was in love with him and he with me! So we decided that we were going to get married this year!

Today! We are not married, but we are expecting our first baby! So.... we won't be getting married this year, but next year after March when the baby is born.

Our baby is currently almost 14 weeks old, we don't know what we're having yet but we are ready and excited to know! The due date is March 3, 2010. This is a surprise but we both knew that we wanted children, even if it came to adoption. So we are looking forward to being parents.

So. Yeah. That's about all right now. That is where we are right now!

Type ya later!